No one likes getting hurt and naturally we try to avoid it as much as possible. Our system works in such a way that our instinctive reaction towards pain is to stay away from it as much as we can, especially when we've experienced it before. But not all kinds of pain should be avoided. Sometimes pain can actually be good for us when dealt with in the right way.
There are definitely some hostile and hurtful relationships that we should be steering clear from, where pain is not sourced in love but in someone else's manipulation or sin, but there are also times where relationships that hurt us can actually be good for us. Take the case, for instance, where friends hurt us with loving discipline and rebuke. The hurt is not because they're being abusive, but because sometimes the honest truth about ourselves is hard to take.
Proverbs 27:5-6 reminds us, "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy." It's a wonderful thing to have friendships where people can build you up and encourage you, but it is sometimes also the bitter pills that we have to swallow that help us grow and we also need relationships that provide that.
However, there can be times where we find it hard to distinguish one from the other. How can we tell when a critical word from a friend, colleague, workmate or even pastor is actually good for us? What really separates good relational pain from the bad is the motive of the person. Good relational pain is always done with the intention of building us up while hostile and toxic relationships will only seek to put you down. No one should be someone else's doormat.
One way to view the discipline of a friend's rebuke is to see it like physical exercise. I don't think there's ever any form of physical exercise that seems pleasurable the first few weeks. In fact, exercise will hurt your muscles at first and your body will get sore. But when we get the hang of it and find our rhythm, any exercise will become good for us when done right. It's the same way with the rebuke of a friend.
That's why godly and Christ-centered relationships are important. 1 Corinthians 14:26 says, "What then, brothers? When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up."
Godly relationships can hurt at times, but the sting of a well-meaning rebuke, correction or reproof will only propel us to be who God wants us to be.
Friendships in the context of godly fellowship should be fun no doubt, but they should also be uplifting and building us up, even if that hurts or challenges us a little. But when the intention is discernibly right and the rebuke offered is helping us be more Christ-like, it's healthy to have a relationship that will sting us every now and then with the edification of a loving and gentle rebuke.
