The Bible, and most churches, teach us to wait to have sex until we've got married. The idea seems incredible to lots of people these days. But there are some good reasons to wait (apart from the desire to obey Christian teaching on the subject) even if your virginal days are long gone...
1) The honeymoon is much more significant
OK so getting married and going off on a nice holiday is exciting. But if it's also the first time you get to know someone in the biblical sense, it's a whole lot more interesting. Otherwise, there's a risk it might be a bit of an anti-climax.
2) You develop a greater trust for the other person
It's not easy to get through months of falling in love, spending hours gazing into each other's eyes and so on, without having sex. If you make it, you've got a greater confidence in the other person and their self-control, and that they can control themselves in that area should temptation arise.
3) There's scientific evidence that it's better to wait
According to one survey, people who waited until marriage to have sex rated their relationships higher on stability and the quality of sex and communication.
4) The first time becomes something much more special
If you wait, by the time you get to share yourselves, you've already made a commitment for life. That brings a feeling of greater security and a sense of intimacy and trust that will be reflected in your sex life.
5) You get to know someone better
It's often the case that once you start, you can't stop, which is quite distracting (and it's more difficult to put the brakes on if you want to). If instead, you're just focused on learning more about each other, it's easier to develop emotional intimacy and really get to know a person.
6) You can be sure that you're not wanted just because of your knowledge of the Kama Sutra
Would your partner still be with you without sex? Do they want you for more than one thing? These doubts are less likely if they've given their lives to you solely on the basis of your relationship and personality, rather than sexual technique.
7) The 'in love' feeling will last for longer
That romantic high that you get at the start of the relationship can be quickly dampened if it's satiated with sex. Waiting will produce a slower, steady burn.
8) It gives time to iron out any issues that need dealing with
From insecurities to trauma to using porn, the gap between knowing that you want to marry someone and getting down to business is much longer. This gives time to address any brokenness that could harm the relationship and work it out.
9) Sex increases feelings for one another – a bad thing if it doesn't work out
Sex is an incredible bonding experience, and if it's done before two people are ready to commit, it can intensify feelings considerably. If the relationship breaks down, the hurt will be much greater.
10) Pregnancy is not something to dread, but something to look forward to.
The consequences of failed contraception are more of a nice surprise than a serious problem that might put pressure on a relationship.
