Marriage comes with huge rewards but also requires couples to take huge risks. The latter is why so many young people choose to cohabit first before they commit.
A recent study by Barna Group has revealed that the most common reason for cohabiting was to test compatibility. Of those surveyed 84 percent picked this reason over it being practical or cheap.
For a lot Christians, cohabiting is not an option, but the concerns over compatibility do remain.
So, how can we make sure we're about to marry "the one"?
Well, there isn't necessarily a special test that we can take to ensure that a marriage leads to a happy and lasting relationship. But there's no need for despair since there are many things that we can do to help ourselves and each other find a partner with real potential, and become the person we need to be as well.
Premarital counselling, studying the marital roles and the significance of marriage and commitment are all ways in which we can discover the strength of our compatibility with another person. Each of these will require us to ask ourselves certain questions about the person we are considering to marry. These particular questions will differ from couple to couple. However, some will be necessary for every couple.
Here are three questions that are worth asking yourself and your partner before you agree to commit to one another for the rest of your lives.
Have you dealt with your pre-marital problems?
Imagine if the elements of your partner's personality that you like the least and their habits that irritate you never go away, or even get worse over time, will you still be able to love them?
People change, and not always in the way we'd expect or hope for. The decision that you make about whether or not to enter into not just a long-term but a lifelong commitment with someone should be based on the person they are now, not the person you'd like them to be. If there are things that you need to work through with your partner, it doesn't mean that you have to abandon your relationship or call off your engagement. But you should act to address these before you enter into marriage.
How deep is your love for ... Christ?
Some people want to feel as if someone else's world revolves around them when they are in a relationship. But in the context of a strong Christian romantic relationship, there is a third party at the centre – Christ.
It goes without saying that any potential spouse should love you more than they do any other person. But there is someone that your partner gets not just a pass on but should be promoted to love more than you, and that's Christ. By doing so, they'll continue to stimulate your hunger to be closer to Jesus and live a life based on the principles that Jesus instructs his followers to adopt—unconditional love, forgiveness, faith.
Do you understand what it means to be a Christian husband and wife?
Many marriages break down because of a misunderstanding of what is expected from both parties. To help you understand your role as a husband or wife, you can turn to the Bible (the verses Colossians 3:18-19 and 1 Peter 3:1-7 among others can help), attend pre-marital workshops and courses and accept counsel from knowledgeable Christians who you trust.
When we have misconstrued ideas about a role, we can come to the conclusion that it's right for us or someone else, when in reality it's not. There are so many misconceptions about marriage and how men and women should conduct themselves within it. So it's essential to separate myth from marriage before taking the step yourself.
