I once went to a beauty salon to have my eyebrows shaped and the beautician got a little carried away with the wax. In the following days I tried to do everything I could to mask her mistake. Eyebrow pencil, brow powder, creative hairstyles – you name it, I tried it. But it was all to no avail. I had to wait until they grew back and the true shape returned before I could feel like myself again.
When we spend so much time and energy trying to minimise something, it's usually a sign that there's something wrong. This holds true for my eyebrow mishap and it's also applicable to the way we frame white lies. We try to gloss over the real issues that they mask, calling them by another name and almost turning them into something good.
Most of us don't tell white lies with malicious intent. A lot of the time we're convinced that what we're doing is harmless, whether it's telling a relative that they look good in a new outfit even when they don't, or agreeing with a friend that their new partner is great for them even when they're not. But, just as I'm pretty sure my eyebrows have never been the same, lies in any form can do lasting damage.
How can we avoid white lies becoming our default response when we're faced with a situation when doing so seems like the lesser of two evils?
Don't focus on the immediate consequences
Scared of how someone will react when you tell the truth? It might be hard to digest at first and it may even hurt but it will also open up a pathway to healing that isn't possible through lies. Trust is a founding element of our most worthwhile relationships and it's achieved through honesty. By fixing your mind on the long-term benefits of telling the truth instead of the momentary gains of white lies, you'll be more inclined to see telling the truth as the best option.
Practice makes perfect (well, almost)
Sometimes it's hard to tell the truth when you're asked directly what you think, but the more you do, the more natural it becomes. Work on telling the truth as much as possible, even in seemingly trivial circumstances. One of the most common lies people utter every day is "I'm fine" when they're really not. If someone asks you how you are and something is troubling you, use this as an opportunity to practise honesty. You don't need to necessarily go into detail with every single person but if you make a habit out of telling the truth in these instances it'll become the default in more unexpected situations. If you do slip up, try to admit the truth as soon as possible.
Be honest with yourself
Ask yourself questions like, "what am I making excuses for?" and "am I really motivated by a desire to protect someone else or myself?". Identifying what triggers your dishonesty can help you to tackle it. Lying is often a sign of other issues. Maybe there's another sin that you're struggling to overcome and you're withholding the truth in order to cover it up, or you're minimising a problem in a relationship or friendship that you need to address. If you sometimes find it difficult to be honest with yourself, find someone to confide in who can hold you accountable by asking the right questions.
Pray
Even after you've done all of the above, you can still struggle with telling the truth. Practical steps and prayer don't have to be alien to one another. Making both a part of your response to lying will better enable you to change your attitude towards it. Why not make a list of the things that tempt you to lie and ask God to help you avoid succumbing to them? You can also pick Bible verses on the truth to inspire the wording of your prayers and to remind you why opting for honesty is the right choice.
