What's the one thing that getting fit, excelling at work and building a lasting marriage have in common? None of them happen "by accident." No one unintentionally or "accidentally" start exercising, waking up early, becoming better at their skills or grow deeper into their marriage.
Every single one of the most valuable things in life all takes one thing to flourish: intentionality. And when we refuse to be intentional in growing deeper in our relationship with God, in our career or even in our marriage, that's when we start to lose ground and watch areas of our life stagnate and grow stale.
Being unintentional in marriage often starts with indifference that can be fuelled by guilt, unforgiveness or overfamiliarity. Indifference is on the most wanted list for having killed so many marriages. If we want to fight for our marriage and make it last, we need to be intentional and start fighting against indifference. Here are five ways you can do that.
1. Be Quick to Forgive
Too often indifference comes from becoming desensitised by a great amount of bitterness and hurt that may pile up in the long run. Unforgiveness is dangerous in that it breaks our will, rendering us unable to act on a hurting relationship no matter how much we want to save it. Just as Christ has released unfailing and unconditional forgiveness upon us, we have to release it upon others, most especially our spouse (Ephesians 4:32).
2. Deliberately Make Time for Each Other
Unless we become deliberate in fighting for time together, it's rarely ever going to happen. One great practice I have found is making sure that date nights are scheduled into mine and my wife's calendar weekly. Just as we make time and schedule in meetings, deadlines and events, we should be as deliberate if not even more in scheduling time for our spouse.
3. Be Vocal About Your Appreciation and Affection
There is power in speaking and expressing your appreciation and affection to your spouse, and take note that expressing it on social media doesn't just cut it. Take time to positively reaffirm your spouse daily.
4. Remember the Old Times
I don't know why, but every time I remember the first few dates me and my wife had or the first time I remembered her, I am reminded of just why I fell in love with her. No, I do not believe in love at first sight, but there is something about memories that fuel us to be proactive in our relationships.
5. Seek God
Probably the most important element to growing in a marriage and fighting indifference is to continue to seek God first. Matthew 6:33 tells us, "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." The more we seek God and be filled by His love and grace, the more we will want to become a channel of that same love to our spouse.
