Many people come into a marriage assuming the wrong things, and while some of those assumptions may be harmless, some can be destructive if left uncorrected and unbalanced with a proper view of God's grace and sufficient work through Christ in each and every marriage.
God's commands to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5:22 and 25 are bound to set us up for a terribly wrong assumption:
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord."
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
Here's a reality we all have to face: No wife can submit to a man like she would to God and no husband can love as Christ loves the church. But that's the biggest misconception of all: that our marriage is up to us. Never has any marriage been up to us; it's always up to the gracious and loving glue of Jesus' love for both husband and wife and the grace that flows into a marriage because of what He does for us.
All five of these unrealistic expectations branch from that one big wrong one, but they manifest in different ways. Here are five unrealistic expectations that may ruin our marriages if not corrected:
My spouse will fulfil my needs. No spouse, property, job, paycheck or hobby will ever satisfy your needs if you are void of Christ. Jesus is our true source of satisfaction, joy and peace, and everything we do flows from that. We love our spouse not because they love us, but because we love Jesus and He loves us.
My marriage will always be nice and good. Anyone who's ever had this expectation has obviously never experienced marriage. Even Jesus said Himself that "...in the world you will have tribulation" (ESV, John 16:33b). Money will be tough, sickness will come and you will have to face it. But with God on our side, we can and will overcome.
I can learn everything before coming into marriage. You can prepare all you want, but you can never be 100 percent ready for everything. Before coming into marriage with my wonderful wife, Ces, I read almost every marriage book I could get my hands on, but I have still failed miserably as a husband many times. It is only by the enabling and repairing grace of God, not my knowledge and expertise, that I get to enjoy my marriage today.
I'm good enough to be a wonderful spouse. You may think that you pray enough, read the Bible enough and love enough to be a great husband or wife, but the truth is you will drool when you sleep, forget to put up the toilet seat, hate taking out the trash and squeeze the toothpaste tube wrong. We can be good in some areas, but we will be weak in others.
God will give me a perfect partner. Just as you will never be a perfect spouse, God isn't going to give you a perfect one, either, because he or she doesn't exist. Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" (ESV). You will marry someone who has fallen short, and you will each need Christ to complete both of you—and He will.
